Hey kid, what's in your ear?

I give T1 quite a bit of crap for not being able keep the house presentable while being home this summer with T4 (and sometimes T3). From what I remember last summer it was a breeze. Duh.

It seems that turning 2 has brought about quite a few changes in his "ability".

This evening T4 and I alone at home and in T3s bedrooms looking at his elementary yearbook. T4 said "be right back" and took off.

I guess I was kind of engrossed in the pictures and so it took me while to notice how quiet it was.

I went to find T4. I did. In my bathroom.

It's so weird, but I've never seen a kid fill his ears with toothpaste. And then cover his face and head with toothpaste.

So...

There’s a NASCAR “season”?

I thought it wouldn’t get worse…

But it did.

I got home last night and started getting T3 ready for VBS (yes nighttime VBS – awesome for working moms). As I was helping him get ready we somehow ended up in front of the window – in the clarifying sunlight and it was then that I saw the gum all over his face…8 hours after Gum-gate originally took place. I followed the trail of gum around his right cheek until it led me to his right ear. There I found the entire back of his ear covered in gum.Are you freakin’ kidding me?

I had to get an ice cube to try to ‘freeze off’ the gum from his back, cheeks, nose and right ear. That didn’t work so I ended up having to chew up my own piece of gum and then use that with the “lift-off” technique. Gross.

After we got most of it off I went out on the shaky limb to ask why there was gum behind his ear he said “Well, Daddy said that if you need to stick your gum somewhere to save it, behind your ear is safer than your back”.

T1s real age of 40
+T3s real age of 6
+ gum + sarcasm
– my real age of 37
= my 64 new gray hairs and the slow decomposition of my sanity.

Um, it’s time to engage

I hear this a lot, but seems like I rarely get to say it.

Today I did. And the satisfaction I expected was not to be found.

Dangit.

This week T1 is home with both kids. Alone. (Picture my eyes the size of small dinner plates and we’re on the same page!)

Anyway, I had an appt Monday morning before work. My plan was to dress comfortably since I would need x-rays and then after the appointment I would stop back by the house and change clothes and then head to work – that should take 10 minutes…tops…

I walked in through the laundry room to find T1 and T3 at the computer desk rummaging through the bags of “get rid of” toys – picking out stuff they wanted to keep?!? Ahem, those are discards that we all agreed on. They wanted to keep so much that TWO full bags turned into ONE half bag. WTH?

I say my peace and leave off to find T4. He’s laying across the ottoman with gum in his fingers seeing if it will stick to the green chenille. Meanwhile, T3 heads upstairs and I get T4 into the kitchen on the “snack spot” with his gum – just in time for him to swallow it and ask for more.As I head upstairs to change (20 minutes into the 10 minute stop) I see T3 walking past the stairs with no shirt. I ask him where his shirt is and he replies “It sort of has gum on it”. WHAT, WHAT, WHAT?

On the way to yell at him I see gum on the hall wall (excellent). He brings me his shirt and there is gum on the back…inside. How the heck did you do that??? He walks away and there is gum all over his back. WTH?It turns out he had the gum (as recommended by his dentist) and then decided that he wanted some Cheezits. He *knew* that he would need the gum to chew again after eating the sticky Cheezits so he STUCK THE GUM TO HIS BACK TO SAVE IT JUST LIKE HE’D SEEN IT DONE IN WILLIE WONKA…

Why Lord? Oh because I was bad as a kid? Yes, I remember that. Okay thanks.

Down in front!

Sometimes we give T3 the option to sit with us in ‘big church’ until kids time OR the whole time. Typically he chooses to leave for Sunday school but sometimes he likes to stay with us. And at 6 years he’s pretty good about sitting still.

So this past Sunday, we offered and T3 chose to stay with us the whole time.

He colored and drew for a bit and then started to get a little fidgety. He didn’t want to leave though.

I’m not sure what I was thinking or what came over me, but I pulled up Bejeweled on my phone, turned down the volume and gave it to T3 to play.

It was a hit! It was quiet and a 6 year old has to pay attention and there’s not much interaction that requires talking.

So T1 and I are listening to the sermon and our pastor starts to lead us in prayer. This is typically the congregational prayer that leads to the Lord’s Prayer so that point we are only listening to her reverent words asking the Lord for his mercy and grace. It’s quiet and solemn. We had almost forgotten that T3 was there with us and playing a video game. Almost. Until he evidently made a good move and the silence was shattered by the loud hiss of

“YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!”

Dear Lord,

Please forgive us

Sincerely,

Tracy

Boot.Camp

Once upon a time there was a girl. When she was younger she didn’t really think about calorie consumption and exercise…primarily because she was young and healthy without much effort on her part. Then one day the girl got married and had a baby. That baby made her get so fat. J But eventually she was able to buckle down and lose that weight…vowing to either not have any more kids OR be more disciplined. On the VERY DAY she reached her lowest weight since that baby, she found out she was pregnant again. The hormones eventually took over and she went crazy and gained another 60 lbs. So now having broken both vows she tried to happily embrace her new ‘fuller’ figure. But one day she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror (not her own because that mirror made her look okay). She was sad and again vowed to lose weight. She signed up for a BOOT CAMP and excitedly counted down the days. Then on June 1st she got up bright and early and headed to boot camp! 5:30 a.m. sharp. And then she died.

~ The end ~

Okay, so she didn’t actually die in the literal sense BUT she was in such bad shape she got tendonitis in her Achilles tendon and can’t go back. The doctor recommended physical therapy – isn’t that a form of boot camp? :-)

He's got a way with words.

TK likes to watch Phineas and Ferb. It's a pretty cute-ish cartoon about two kids that do the impossible and drive their sister crazy. Phineas is smaller and sort of the leader. Ferb doesn't talk much andwhen he does it's with a crazy British accent. I don't watch it much and I couldn't remember if Ferb actually talked or not. So I posed this question to TK.

"TK, does Ferb even talk?"

"Um, he can talk, but he's really more of an action man.".

"Ohhhhhhhhh."

Like a rowboat for the flood

Captain's Log
Stardate: Saturday, Feb 28
The Mall

I got ambitious and took the kids to the mall Saturday. Alone. It had to be done. The big one needed soccer cleats and a new nosepad for his glasses and Todd was in Houston.

Soccer store: Success (if you don't count the little one screaming SOCCER SHOES, SOCCER SHOES, SOCCER SHOES until we handed him one to hold)

Lenscrafters: Success

Lunch: Er, well. The kids chose to have Sonic. Remember my Sonic post from back when? Well, they wanted Sonic and it seemed like that had matured enough to have Sonic cups :-). The first thing the big one does is poke a hole in his with the sample toothpick from Rollerz. While I'm getting a new cup the little one jams both thumbs through his Sonic cup. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

I tried to get him out of his stroller and the puddle of Watermelon slush the back-heavy stroller dumps over backwards and the slush puddle goes flying, the stoller crashes and my diaper bag lands with an ungraceful thud on the dirty mall floor. The lady sitting at the table next to us with her 5 (I'm not even kidding) clean kids, offers me a sympathetic smile and a napkin.

I get it.

Really, I do.

But from my sweaty point of view with the soaking baby on the hip it was so absurd that I couldn't even be gracious...

Thanks mall. We'll see you in about 10 years...

I'm okay!

You'll have to excuse my shrill voice - concrete floors in the house will do that and you'll have to excuse the dim lighting. It's because it's SO DIM that Todd even allowed me to share this video.

Of course, I'm proud that the little one RIDES A SCOOTER at 22 months, but that's not the funny part. You have to suffer through watching the little one "throw" the soccer ball to hear Teeks in the background crash and yell afterwards. It's so funny that I die laughing every time I listen. Comedy genuis... Oh and the little one riding a scooter is pretty cool, too.


I'm Okay! on Vimeo.

After I re-read "Hey Tracy" I realized that perhaps I came off all American Gothic and preachy - but I was raised in the South...and I am just partial to good manners. :-) AND I think that if a 6 year old calls me by my first name the boundaries of authority are somehow blurred...that's all.

Hey Tracy

"Hey Tracy!"

Something I hear at least 20 times per day. And it doesn't phase me one bit. Unless the voice is pre-pubescent and coming from a child in TK's class or from our neighbor across the street.

The first time our 1st grade neighbor said "Hey Todd" we both fell out laughing...and then Todd said "Um, it would make me feel better if you said Mr. Todd or Mr. W. Would that be okay?" "Sure Todd."

I have never thought of myself as old-fashioned and I still don't think I am, but there's something about kids calling adults by their first names that really bugs me. Is it too much trouble for you to teach your kids to use respect when addressing adults? At age 6 you are not my peer...I've got a few years on you.

Things

Just some things - in no particular order

• If you aren't a coach, please don't wear coaching shorts. Especially if it's *obvious* you aren't a coach. Coaching shorts are barely acceptable for real coaches.
• TK asked me last night what "government grants" were and "what did qualify mean and how do you do it". Time to turn the TV off, son.
• I never went to sleep last night. Unfortunately, it wasn't because I was out having fun - it was because I took a Sudafed 24 hr at 11:00 pm. I'm still not tired.
• I'm not surprised that my relatively new camera is broken and being held together with black duct tape. You might be a redneck...
• I have a 6 year old. Last night I was watching the kids eat dinner with no assistance and I started crying. I think it's because they are growing up so fast. Todd quickly said "That's how my cousin ended up with 6 kids - you need to dry your tears, like right now - we don't have room for 6 kids" :-) He's right - but it's sad.
• TK - my kindergartner has a school dance this Friday night. Yes, a dance. K-2 brings cookies, 3-5 brings drinks. I'm laughing just thinking about it. TK told me this morning to "watch his sweet dance moves" and proceeded to have what looked like some sort of seizure...

That's all for now. The drama happens around the clock here now so it's hard to figure out what's worth blogging about :-)

TTFN!